it was the spring of '08, but it felt a lot more like winter to you and i.
where the flowers once grew at my doorstep, there were skeletons decorated by thorns laying under the grey wash of the sky, waiting for death. the spring rain came but never left, and the grass never turned that beautiful shade of green we both seemed to love so much. flowers never really bloomed, and there wasn't really a sunny day, but i think that's what made it seem so real.
the happiness i mean. it wasn't just induced by endless skies and pretty roses, or sun tans or white sand or pretty dresses or drunken conversations,
it was just
that was a long time ago though, so forgive me if i'm wrong.
it's a weird thing isn't it? it makes everything seem like it was just yesterday, makes the whole world seem as though it's flying by - that the faces, the conversations, the exchanged glances are all just fleeting
until i remember it's been three years since i last saw your face.
and now, i don't know what i'm doing with myself. it's kind of odd, the way things just have passed me by, just flown away with wind. scary, almost.
i don't know who i am -
is that weird, do you think?
you know, i've had this craving for a few days. but i don't know what it's for. i can't focus or eat or sleep. my jaw is so tense and i feel like crying, but there's nothing to cry about. it's as though i need a holiday - but what good would that do? my body feels tired, but my mind feels like explosions and car crashes. everything all at once, really.
i don't know what it is.
sometimes, i just rest my head in my hands and tell myself i need to relax, but it never works. maybe i miss you, or the feeling of love,
or maybe i just miss the cuddles. maybe i need to eat more, or less, or take a day off, or work more, or have a bath, or a cigarette, or run
but i guess, this insanity