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About Deviant Rachel?Female/Australia Group :iconlegitlit: LegitLit
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Deviant for 6 Years
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Statistics 487 Deviations 8,145 Comments 50,671 Pageviews



i could see bones through bruised skin
you opened your eyes, just a little, once
and i think you tried to smile

you breathed my name and it was as if the whole world had stopped for us to acknowledge each other's pain
what is it to silently apologize for your father's absence?


there's a quiet i've always hated in hospitals.

there will be so much silence soon, for you
i think some laughter would have at least reminded you
that you were still alive

you're sitting on your porch, alone
there's a heat seeping into your bones
and you call me to tell me that she's gone
we don't say much else

i'm attending your mother's funeral without you
and i'm not sure if i'm crying for her
or for you
i am still waiting
to learn what it feels like
to love without yearning

and that's the thing about love -
you can never know what it's meant to feel like

because i am comfortable
and i am happy

but i have stopped staring at the sky and wondering
because when i do,
i am still laying beside you

if you have ever been to this place
can you please tell me what you have found

i am too afraid
to reopen this wound
i don't know what colour my blood is anymore
and i am afraid that i will still be bleeding for you

my fingers are still wandering your skin
and i am still discovering
what is is like to love

and here,
i am empty because i have a desire
to be sad again

i am exploring the places of myself
in which i laid these things to rest
and there is a satisfaction
in knowing they are still well and truly

it has been seven years now
and i am not sure if i will ever
truly fill your space
or if i am even meant to

it has been seven years now
and i don't know what it means
that i have picked my wedding song
but every time i write
'you' is always still you

it has been seven years now and
i am still waiting
to figure out what that means


you brought a new day with you -

you weathered the cold with me and slowly,
the sun has risen on my frail body, shining light across milky skin
and slowly thawed me of all that was and
all that had been

your smile has fallen on all of my flaws, now
as the ice melted from them
and i stand naked, unashamed and
unabashedly proud
of the version of me that we have fashioned
from the mess that had been left behind


i was always a romantic
but you have reminded me of the fact
that sometimes you don't need poetry
to remind yourself that you are loved
So, you could say it's been a while hey? 
I wanted to just take a moment to explain my very long absence and what's been going on - because when I logged back on after over a year, the amount of love this community still gives me is something incredible. To know that I wrote some of the most popular literature on here at the ages of 16 and 17 is amazing, and it has inspired me to keep writing. Or at least try to keep writing. 

Well, after I broke up with James, my life just got better. There really isn't many other ways to put it - on and off for a couple of months we were talking, fucking etc - but after that it was just happy. I really was just happy. It's an amazing feeling to look back at the last year and be able to say while yes there were difficult moments, it's been the happiest and most fulfilling year of my life. I was free and less stressed and I went through a phase of self realisation for a few months where I took up meditation and yoga, began eating better and sort of just fixed my life up a bit.

I finished year 12 with an amazing score and I could practically do anything I wanted - I chose to not study. I'm working full time and learning a lot about business and everything that goes along with that, and it is very demanding. I am also with a new boyfriend, who I've been with for just under a year now, and we're living together in a beautiful house with two beautiful cats and our friend. Lots of cooking and cleaning, but it's rewarding and it makes me feel like an adult despite choosing not to study. 
I'm doing freelance writing on the side - content writing, copywriting, academic writing etc. to keep this passion alive inside of me. I've never really stopped writing, but now I get paid to do it and it's amazing.

The reason I haven't really been active here though, I would say, is because DeviantArt and poetry as a whole was always a cathartic thing for me. It was a release and the community here was such a huge support system that helped me through some of the hardest times in my life. It's sad to say that I have nothing to write about anymore - but it's true, and it's also a very happy time for me because all I ever wrote about was my sadness and my pain and my loneliness. I am now supported, happy, comfortable and have outlets other than self hatred and wallowing in my misery. I am taken care of and I appreciate everything the people around me do to help me. 

I just wanted to say a huge, huge thank you to this community while I have an opportunity. The people on here, even in my absence, have always been the most loving, kind, accepting and beautiful community and I am so proud to say I was once a part of it. It took me this absence to realise how much of a release DA was for me, and thank you for being the net that always caught me when I tried to fall. 

I'd love to hear what you guys are up to, what you've been doing and what's been going on.


rachel-rhapsody's Profile Picture

this is everything that my temper hides.

whoever keeps giving me premium memberships is the love of my life.

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Add a Comment:
Kaviam Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2015
I like what you have done so far, it seems that you have put a lot of work on it, your poems are so amazing! can't wait to read more, good job!
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday :>
Rushy Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2015
Party Happy Birthday! Have your cake and eat it too
DenBen Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
It's been a very long time! I hope you remember me? If not I remember you as one of my biggest inspirations (aside from my own life of course) :D
Hope to talk again soon!
(2 Replies)
Rushy Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014
Party Happy Birthday! Have your cake and eat it too
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